This is quite simply one of the most hilarious AV Club articles I’ve read in ages.
Yes, this man went into insane, in-depth analysis of all 30 Mario Kart 8 characters, including speculating on what Toadette’s pigtails are made of, how his Mii is a Frankensteinian abomination, and Koopa Troopa torture porn.
Just read it. You’ll bust a gut.
Bless you, John Teti. I’ll even forgive your inexplicable dislike for WALUIGI.